responses to the phrase “you look tired”

  1. I am. I am so, so tired. Do you know why I’m tired? Because life is exhausting.
  2. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a week because I’m convinced there is a person living in the attic, in my closet, and under my bed, all simultaneously. I’ve reverted back to sleeping with the TV on, which helps the paranoia but not the insomnia.
  3. Before that, I had an issue with sleeping because my brain thought I was being buried alive even though I was clearly lying in my own bed. Being mentally ill is so much fun, yall.
  4. The dark circles under my eyes are really just the waterproof mascara I accidentally bought that will survive the nuclear apocalypse.
  5. Screw you and your normal sleeping habits, Helen.
  6. I’m aware. I’m a slave to the human trashcan aesthetic.
  7. This is what graduate school does to you, kids. Higher education is for the birds. It’s unfortunate that I made the decision to be a bird.
  8. My life is one existential crisis after another; thanks for adding another one to the list.
  9. You know how when babies are born the parents never sleep because the baby never sleeps? I’m both the parents and the baby at the same time.
  10. I know that’s just a polite way of telling me I look like shit.
  11. I appreciate your concern. Let me repay you for your kindness by telling you my entire life story. It’s only fair.
  12. Isn’t it so nice that my outsides reflect my inside? Takes all the guess work out of things.
  13. Aren’t you tired too? Please don’t tell me I’m the only person who is completely overwhelmed by their questionable life choices. What do you mean I’m the only person here who is ten weeks behind in a class they’ve only been in for ten weeks? Is that not normal college student behavior?
  14. I’m cutting out sleeping in order to prepare for my hibernation this winter.
  15. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Oops, did my weird habit of joking about my depression make you uncomfortable?
  16. Dude, I know I look tired. I own a mirror. Multiple, in fact. Does it make you feel better to point out the obvious? Well, here, let me point out some obvious for you: I look tired because I am tired. Are we done here? Great, I’m going to go take a nap. And by “take a nap,” I mean watch Netflix in an effort to avoid doing homework or play with my dog or go to work or do the countless other things I have to do that are more important than feeding your ego.

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